Newsletter 7 - How to deal with difficult people

"How to deal with difficult people" is one of the most consistent topics I get asked about as a coach and mentor.

 

There is no certain method for dealing with people you find difficult; but there are things you should think about and things you can do.

Three things to start with:-

Things to do next. Having done this essential thinking, here are some things to do.

1. Assume good intent. There may be a good reason or a lack of awareness behind the behaviour that you find difficult. Check it out.

2. Manage your body language and breathing when you're with them, so that you can be at your most comfortable and resourceful. Listen skilfully to what they say.

3. Notice and manage your feelings and emotional reactions. When your emotions become strong, stop, think and take some good breaths. Walk away from where you're sitting or standing, and change your position. Remind yourself, "This is not about me!".

4. Don't get 'hooked': avoid an argument or some kind of contest.

5. Name the behaviour. "I notice that you often interrupt me in team meetings, and you're doing it again now. Is there a particular reason?". To do this, you need to use a cool enquiring tone, rather than an angry one.

It's easier and more useful to change your own reaction and behaviour than to try and change theirs. When you change, you may help them to change too.