Newsletter 19 - Forthright feedback or bullying – what’s the difference?
Being in a position of power can be a new experience for you as a new manager – and you may not feel all that powerful anyway. Sometimes we can get a wrong idea of what it takes to get people to do what’s needed, and may resort to “Dragon’s Den” kind of behaviour, or inadvertent bullying. Anything that makes people feel less about themselves is veering towards bullying.
At the same time, being unsure about our new role, we may be susceptible to a subtle bullying ourselves. It’s important to stay aware of how you’re feeling about yourself.
Too much stress may make you may flip into aggressive behaviour or easy anger. This is not a good idea, but doesn’t make you a bully as long as you realise that this is inappropriate, and are able to change for the better. It may also give you an insight into other people’s reactions under stress.
As a manager you need to be clear with your team about what they are meant to be doing and what their results should look like. They should not need to be hassled into doing the right things. You should also be clear about the climate in the team, and spot any behaviour among the staff that is unhealthy.
How can you deal with feelings of being bullied, or the temptation to overreact when you’re stressed? The first and most important thing is to ‘ground’ yourself, physically and emotionally. Pay attention to your breathing and make it steady, notice the way you’re standing or sitting and check where the tension is affecting you. This will help you to think clearly, and to react appropriately to what’s going on. The next thing is to keep in your mind what you’re trying to achieve, long-term and short-term. This can lead you into choosing actions and ways of talking that will be effective.
When dealing with other people or giving them feedback, always talk about what you have observed and what they are doing, rather than their personality.
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